“What’s the matter with you?” demanded Annie this morning over breakfast. “You’re all quiet.”
“I’m thinking.”
“About what?”
“This year’s Advent Calendar. Last year I took photos of Smudge the unwanted toy rabbit in lots of different places I visited and posted one on Twitter every day in December; I did much the same with Aneurin the abandoned teddy bear in 2021. I’m just wondering who should star in this year’s calendar.”
“What about them?” said Annie, waving a piece of buttery toast in the direction of the dresser where a collection of small knitted dolls stare blankly across the room.
“What, all of them?” I said. “I can’t wander around Wales arranging that lot on castle walls.”
“Not all of them,” replied Annie. “Just her on the end. She’s famous already. And no-one wants to see ruins. They’re boring and in the middle of winter, they’re depressing too. People want pictures of cafes and tearooms: cooked breakfasts of crispy bacon and fat sausages, glistening mushrooms, shiny red tomatoes, perhaps some baked beans but definitely no egg; or golden scones with little pots of strawberry jam or raspberry at a push but absolutely not blackcurrant; or those fabulous brie and cranberry melts with the lovely salad they do in The Potting Shed. Like I said,” Annie stood up and brushed her toast crumbs all over the floor, “if you’re going to do an advent calendar, you should realise that you’re the only person in the world interested in piles of stones. The rest of us like food.”
Sticky Betty – A biography
The knitted inhabitants of Woollyton made their first appearance in May 2020 (In all our dreams ) when lockdowns were strict and humour was in short supply. They starred in a sequel the following month which you can read here (The Mystery of the Missing Marshal)and then just before Christmas 2020 they emerged again from their world of knittiness to fundraise for the local foodbank. After that I retired them and all would have been well except that Sticky Betty the eccentric and slightly wayward village cook saw an opportunity in the cost of living crisis to share her tightwad meal planning philosophy. This year she has been pushing her way back into the limelight by occasionally sending recipes to the Baobab Bach Community Pantries website.
Owner of The Sticky Bun café and seller of anything which can be baked using free or at the very least, cheap ingredients, Betty is on a mission to put global brands of convenience food out of business. And whilst she’s on her soap box, she would like everyone to know that if you are going to treat yourself to eating out occasionally, most small local cafes and bakeries cook proper food made from proper ingredients served on proper plates instead of splodged unidentifiable meat bits from the other side of the world that are wrapped in paper or sealed in plastic before being slapped on the counter for you to take away. If you fancy trying some of Sticky Betty’s recipes, here are 3 for you to download and/or print.
Sticky Betty’s Cheese and potato pie
Sticky Betty’s Fluffy Blueberry Pancakes
Sticky Betty’s Spicy Stir Fry August 2023
Meanwhile if you’re out and about in South Wales between now and December and spot a woman who should know better positioning a small knitted doll in front of a big cream cake and a mug of cappuccino, that’ll be me. Sticky Betty’s Advent Calendar will only be available on my social media unless some publishing company knocks on my door and offers me a large amount of money for the rights, most of which I will probably have spend on signing up to a weight loss programme in January.