Proverbs are great for providing brief responses when you have to explain yourself or try to avoid the blame game at short notice. I’ve always thought that pride comes before a fall and calm comes before a storm have a pragmatic, I-told-you-so sort of wisdom to them. Now I’ve added another one to the collection: knitting Clangers comes before index finger tendonitis.
Pride
My default setting is to be contrary so when there was a surge of enthusiasm for decorating street furniture with regal yarnbombing to mark the Platinum Jubilee, I knew that I wasn’t going to just resist the trend – I was going to buck it. If I were the sort of person to tie knitted things in public places which – as it’s technically illegal (littering) – obviously, I would never do, then I would need to make something distinctly un-royal to attach to some hypothetical traffic bollards on a hypothetical main road near my hypothetical home. And so it came to pass that I obtained a book of Clanger knitting patterns and my worst nightmare was about to unfold.

To be fair I couldn’t just blame it on the Clangers: they didn’t cause the tendon in my right index finger to start screeching with pain every time it adopted the knitting position. No, it was the double whammy of knitting Clanger bodies on consecutive days then crocheting Clanger planets (one for each hypothetical bollard) in the evenings that really did the damage.
Fall
At the start of May, with my best and most important finger swollen and inflamed, I realised that any hope of a Clanger takeover of concrete posts was doomed. One afternoon I consulted Dr Google, applied the advised ice, rubbed in the advertised anti-inflammatory gel and rested as instructed. The morning after I was disappointed to find that none of these had cured my digital ills and as I had three dolls to make in as many days for the exhibition of Heritage Crafts at The Turner Gallery in Penarth, my finger was told to take one (or three) for the team. The five Clanger planets, one completed Clanger and a pile of pink woolly body parts were consigned to the UFO basket in my workroom – a harsh but necessary decision.

Calm
Mid May and all of the Protest Dolls were safely installed in Penarth for a month so it was time for me to turn my attention to my Unlost Places project. Unlost Places involves me visiting places in Wales which are atmospheric, mysterious and other-worldly, then making arty stuff to illustrate what it’s like to be there. As there isn’t a map upon which places are marked as “atmospheric”, “mysterious” or “other-worldly”, I think it would be a good idea to write a book about them (with photographs of my arty stuff for anyone who doesn’t want to read the boring bits).

Caldy Island
People who love Tenby say that everyone should go to Caldy Island. I don’t particularly love Tenby because I’m traumatised by the cheap hotel room I stayed in once. It turned out to be cheap because it was also the main fire escape for guests staying on the same floor, all of whom evacuated the building when there was a (false) alarm at 2 o’clock in the morning by forcing open my bedroom door. They traipsed past a stunned and terrified wide-eyed me who was clutching trembling blankets to my chin – like that was any sort of defence against what I presumed at the time was a zombie invasion. Anyway, my point is that as I don’t love Tenby, I should have heeded my instinct about Caldy, which was to not bother paying the £13 for a ferry ride and to have a nice ice cream and wander around town instead. But as I said earlier, I am nothing if not contrary so I went. It takes about 30 minutes to sail to the island and then weirdly, it’s like you’ve arrived on a film set that’s a cross between The Stepford Wives and The Prisoner. There’s not a single blade of grass out of place on the manicured lawns and it’s chocolate box pretty, with quaint little houses overlooked by an Italianesque abbey perched high on a wooded hillside.

I wasn’t looking for pretty, quaint or Italianesque so whilst everyone else who had been on the boat stayed in the village, I headed along a trail through the trees which was a bit more atmospheric but not deeply so. Still I managed to create some Unlost Places indigenous art and took a moody photograph before getting on the first ferry back to Tenby. Unsurprisingly Caldy Island is not going to make it into my book of creative maps.

Amroth
I’ll tell you what I like about Amroth. It’s a dead end. The road skirts along the beach making a lovely flat promenade for walking and then it stops, not even attempting to turn itself into a little lane that could lead over the headland to the hamlet of Marros. There’s archaelogical evidence that people have been calling Amroth home for thousands of years. Some locals say that the name Amroth comes from a little stream that bubbles into the sea here; others that it relates to a “rath” (Iron Age earthwork) high on the ridge. Amroth Castle is now privately owned and a rebuilt, re-imagined version of its 12th Century origins. St Elidyr’s Church, a mile up a vertiginous track that runs from the seashore to the isolated hilltop farms, is also medieval and probably built on the site of an early Christian llan. And just as you’re thinking that all Amroth has to offer is a few cafes and shops, a bit of manageable Welsh history and a comforting air of nothing-to-do-ness, it turns out that there’s a sizeable chunk of industrial heritage too because of the anthracite mining that used to go on in the area. The exciting thing however from my point of view is that Amroth was/is also on a pilgrim route.

Follow the Wales Coast Path east and you pass through Marros to Pendine then on to Laugharne and Llansteffan. Take the ferry across the estuary to Glan y Ferri and before long you pass St Ishmael’s and join the pilgrim road to Kidwelly. Or if you climb the steps at the western end of the beach, the path leads you to Wiseman’s Bridge where there’s a woodland trail towards Kilgetty, Templeton and all spiritual points leading to St David’s. Apparently the effort of two pilgrimages to St David’s is equivalent to one to Rome but if for you, step climbing is beyond the pale – fear not! Amroth has an alternative. At low tide the sea retreats far enough for all but the least intrepid person to walk across the sands to Wiseman’s Bridge and even carry on to Saundersfoot, a mile away. When the tide comes back in, there’s a traffic free path along a disused railway line which gives a safer journey. It skirts the coast and plunges in and out of dimly lit tunnels either side of the lovely Coppet Hall beach.

When I write Amroth up to go in the book, I’ll do more research; I’ll put in more facts; I’ll take photographs of my arty stuff as illustrations. Which brings us back to my Clanger caused index finger tendonitis. How does a textile artist make textile art and a doll maker make dolls when she can’t stitch? Well, it turns out to be not that difficult if you have access to bondaweb

or if you learnt your doll making in the 1970s. I do confess to sewing the eyes onto the Amroth Pilgrim Doll but otherwise no needles were threaded in the cause of this blog post.

Storm
The invalid finger has another five weeks of sick leave to go before it is unleashed, hopefully recovered, on an unsuspecting world. Given that there are five planets crocheted but only three Clangers knitted, you might think that I have a decision to make. You might think that I should risk knitting another two Clangers. Or you might consider that I should buy some green felt and sew a Soup Dragon and some silver fabric to make an Iron Chicken. Well, it turns out that none of these apply because last week during one of those rainstorms which we get all too often these days, a woman who was texting instead of concentrating on driving swerved her new car across the road, aquaplaned and collided with the bollards. Luckily no-one else was involved and she wasn’t hurt. Inevitably though, the police were summoned and required an explanation of what caused such concrete carnage . Now imagine if I had managed to finish and position my pink knitted aliens and blue crocheted planets. Like some people, the texting woman wouldn’t have taken responsibility for her own actions – she would have blamed it on the Clangers.
Fancy being so self-delusional.
